Grognardia bandwagon: Re-imagining Iconic D&D Monsters the Dark Elf

James M over at Grognardia asked the old school bloggers out there to tell the world about their versions of iconic D&D monsters. I've never really liked the dark elf as presented in Dungeons and Dragons. If anything they were 1) far too numerous and 2) should not be attractive by any human standard 3) just not creepy and evil enough 4) and why the hell would an underground dwelling creature have black skin? For me, the dark elves should be really creepy. You know, like in the old fairy tales where they kidnap youngsters and make houses out their bones? I don't want my dark elves to be sympathetic at all. Their motives defy human comprehension, they eat flesh of humans/humanoids, they have strange powers, speak no language comprehendible by man, etc. For me, dark elves do indeed dwell underground. They only come about at night because direct sunlight will kill them. They have pale, almost translucent skin (usually covered in much and offal) and a stringy pale yellow hair (which is usually matted). Their eyes are large with huge pupils and can see in total darkness. A light source such as a torch reduces their effectiveness as it renders them almost totally blind. They have gnarled hands with claw-like fingernails. They gibber incessantly in a hushed whisper. They emit a foul odor of rotting meat. Dark Elves are about four feet high, are thin but move about hunched over so they only stand about three feet. They fear open flame, cold iron, salt, and fresh water. They use whatever bone or stone tools they can fashion and wear hides of animals. They have the ability to use their gibbering to effectively hypnotize a person so that they can subdue them and proceed to feast on their flesh. They like to adorn themselves with trophies taken from their victims. In no case are they ever chaotic good, wielding scimitars, and utilizing figurines of wondrous power. They don't have an affinity with spiders (save perhaps to eat them). Dark elves in my world are hideous, malicious, and down right scary. So as you can see, no Hot dark elf chicks in my campaign ;).