Bluebeard (1972)

Richard Burton made more bad movies than any reputably great actor. Of all the dreck Burton starred in, Edward Dmytryk's Bluebeard (1972) might be the worst. It's part historical drama, part horror movie, part skin flick - and all terrible.

Dmytryk updates Charles Perrault's classic folk tale to Nazi Germany. Baron Von Sepper (Richard Burton) is a nobleman, war hero, fascist official and ladykiller. He falls for American dancer Anne (Joey Heatherton), soon marrying the girl. But Anne discovers Sepper's horrible secret: he's murdered his previous wives, preserving their bodies in a freezer. Sepper relates the gory details to Anne while plotting her demise. Only Anne's boyfriend Sergio (Edward Meeks) and a Jew credited as the Violinist (Mathieu Carriere) can foil Sepper's scheme.

Bluebeard begins more incoherent than terrible. Early scenes mix dimwitted satire (aristocrats ranting about "law and order") with obligatory depictions of Nazi cruelty. At their vilest, those jackbooted fiends topple a menorah and set violins on fire! Dmytryk's garish direction recalls that other Burton bomb, The Assassination of Trotsky: Sepper's photography fetish, quick-cut flashbacks, a graphic big game hunt. It's a child's approximation of an art film.

Not to worry, Bluebeard crosses the threshold of monumental tastelessness. It settles into sick revue sketches, depicting Sepper's killings as gory bedroom farce. Dmytryk's idea of humor is misogyny filtered through adolescent irony: a nun (Raquel Welch!) enrages Sepper by admitting she bedded a Communist! Or Sepper flogging a butch feminist (Marilu Tolo) into submission. The Baron narrates this to Anne, periodically interrupted by his goosestepping henchmen. Meanwhile the Violinist skulks outside, accompanied by Ennio Morricone's shrieking fiddle music.

If Bluebeard were modestly coherent, one might divine a purpose. Possibly Dmytryk intended a droll horror comedy, or (as the Nazi content suggests) a parody of Euro-dramas like The Damned. Undoubtedly a major draw is distinguished actresses in various states of undress. Regardless, Dmytryk sabotages Bluebeard through incompetence. The art direction is ludicrous, the murders inept, erotica unappealing, characters badly-acted ciphers. Whatever the intent, Bluebeard is painful to watch.

Richard Burton halfheartedly tries a German accent but mainly sticks to mellifluous pomposity. Sepper sounds equally stentorian brooding over the vileness of Woman or waxing ecstatic about Anne's Jell-O. Good as Burton could be, he can't ballast such a terrible movie by himself. Indeed, Burton's bug-eyed hamminess has the opposite effect.  

Joey Heatherton flounders about haplessly, a featherweight cast adrift by Burton's bluster. Anne's not much of a role anyway, but Heatherton's monumental vapidity undercuts our sympathy. Her costars are restricted to titillating cameos: Raquel Welch is a nun; Virna Lisi a singer; Nathalie Delon (Le Samourai) a baby-talking model; Marilu Tolo (Django Kill) a shrill activist; Agostina Belli a hedonist; Sybil Danning a prostitute. I had more fun listing those actresses than actually watching them.

Bluebeard tries to be many things, failing spectacularly at each. It's a tasteless vehicle recommended to only the most refined bad movie buffs.